somehow i lost the motivation to study
after getting stuck at some qns >.<
i hate it when i stare at the qn for so long but still couldnt solve it
but i wont give up.
i shall prove to others that i can do it de.

really feel paiseh and disappointed at my horrible prelims results
and i totally dont know how to reply when ms phua asked me what happened just now
ya, i really feel that i've let the ppl who care for me down
was a bit disappointed after ms phua asked me tat qn
disappointed in myself.
for letting her down.
for letting everyone else down.
but producing such lousy results when they have high expectations of me
im sorry!

anyway i WONT let history repeat itself
i WONT let the same thing happen again
when i receive my olvl results nxt yr, i promise u will not see any Cs on my report slip
thats what i hope.
but storyteller told me last night that
its not enough to just hope. u have to work hard and strive for it.
yea i promise i will start working harder to achieve my goals
i wont let anyone down again this time round.
i noe i can de.
next year, i will make everyone proud of me.
my family, my friends, everyone....
JIAYOU!

and i think i feel like going to NP more now.
rather than going to jc.
i dont know?
i just feel that if i go to a jc, im taking a big risk
cos im not the type who study and will automatically produce good results
im really an average student, really.
im not as clever as ppl think i am. >.<
so what if i fail my exams in jc and get retained.
what if i flunk my Alevels and couldnt qualify for university?
i dont know la. just dont feel secured if i go jc
im not saying poly is easier la
but if i go poly, i'll be studying the course that i like, which im interested in
so i will find studying easier, right?
cos im really not the maths-science person. i hate doing maths and science actually.
no wonder my results are horrible -.-
i cant deny that i have doubts abt poly
im worried that i cant go to university eventually since ppl always said poly graduates have to work extra harder to qualify for university
but dear xuanny, jos and storyteller all said the same thing when i told them this
they said if u are studying sth that u like, u will find passion in it.
then automatically u will do well de. so going to uni wont be a huge problem.
maybe its right?
i mean its RARE that jos can actually say sth that sensible ok?
to me, i think he always crap a lot.
so ya i was quite surprised when i saw his sms that day.

hmm but now. the problem is family expectations.
i noe my parents and relatives all pinning high hopes on me.
i noe they would prefer me to go to a jc.
if better, be like my other cousins, 6 pointers and qualify for a good jc.
i noe. i noe their expectations are high
i noe they want me to do well
but im really scare i will let them down again. I DONT WANT TO DISAPPOINT THEM!!!!
i'll find one day to talk abt it with them.
and ask for their opinions.
afterall, going to a poly is not as bad as what ppl think.
i believe if i have the passion, i can do well.
thats why i think i wont cope well in jc, cos i really dont like those maths and science and what have you....
even if i go jc, i will take the arts stream.
i've already decided what subjects to take le.
but seriously, i still prefer poly. >.<
nvm. i hope i can make up my mind soon.